Shards
by MEfan159
Summary: Al'Nora vas Remedy was an everyday quarian soldier. Her and her friends could take on any mission that came their way. Al knew how to handle a mission but she couldn't handle her feelings. After a devastating mission, how could she handle her feelings after what's happened. She thought no one could help her, that is, until she met someone like her.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So I lost interest in my last story and I came up with this idea almost 2 years ago and didn't think much about it until now. This was based on my favorite mass effect race of all time. Quarians! Hope you enjoy.**

My name is Al'Nora vas Remedy. I am with my squad. My squad mates, who are my friends, are going to try and take down an overpowered geth dreadnaught. If that dreadnaught manages to report back to the geth, they would upgrade every one of their dreadnaughts to where they would destroy us if we went to war.

Caen'Moma and, Sala'Julas are to secure a safe path through to the core and protect Jeema'Terrel while she tries to reroute the ship's core to explode destroying the entire ship. I don't know a lot about technology stuff considering I got a D in Technological Studies in high school. Jato'Teemin and I are going to hold back with Jeema and lead her to the core, and find a place to protect the rest from geth fire where we can't be spotted.

While we're on the ship, we all gather around and talk for the final hours before the mission begins. Everyone looks at each other with expressions of dread. It's kind of hard to read though because of the face masks in the way. Sometimes I see a nose cringe or eyes squint.

I see Caen sit beside Jeema. Those two are inseparable. Everyone knows that they have been dating but no one mentions it because they know that they will face Jeema's wrath. They actually look cute together as well. Caen's suit is filled with red colors but you can see some lines of green. Jeema's suit has a golden yellow color covering most of her front but when you see the back the colors change into the darkest green I have ever seen.

Sala sits next to me. She's pretty much the tough one in the group. If you get her mad you better be prepared to have target practice for 7 hours straight. No breaks. Her suit is a white sheet covering the entire front but the back transforms into a yellow as golden as the sun in the Sol system.

And then there's Jato. No one knows that I like him except for a friend back at the fleet. Military life never suited her. I've liked Jato ever since I joined the Remedy. Jato's suit is a mix of dark blue and black that wraps all around him. It looked cute on him even if some saw it as menacing. Jato just stands walking around everyone.

I really liked my suit. It was custom made by my father. He said that if I was risking my life for the fleet then I should do it in something that is both equally comfortable and protective, even if it is a bit stylish. Teel and Platinum silver wrapped all around my body like Jato's except the colors start to travel up my back and follow into my hood.

Everyone was quiet. It's kind of awkward. All of us were best friends and we always talked and had fun and joked around. I bet I knew what everyone was thinking about. You could feel it in the silence. Jeema usually talked nonstop about her plans for the day or with us. She only stopped talking when she was extremely nervous about something. Now she's cuddling next to Caen like he's the only thing in the world that matters.

I wish Jato would sit close to me like that.

The silence was killing me. Someone had to say something or I would go insane. I started to shift in the seat uncomfortably when Sala broke the silence. "Is someone going to say something or are we just going to sit," then she looked at Jato, "or stand, around like the nothing is going on?"

"Maybe none of us want to mention the day that could be our last, Sala." Caen snapped. I saw Jeema look up at Caen then look back down.

"Sorry if I just wanted to lighten the mood, Caen. None of us are looking forward to this and I think that we should have some fun before some of us die!"

Jato walked over to Sala and put his hands on the couch. "Not all of us are going to die. We may not die. All of us might die. Don't make assumptions that this is going to be our last night."

"I know, I know. It's just that… I-I'm scared." Sala started to look down in despair.

Jeema stood up and left Caen's arms to comfort Sala. "We all are, Sala. I couldn't fall asleep last night just thinking about today."

"I don't think any of us did." Caen said. He was right too. I stared up at the ceiling all night, not getting a single wink of sleep, I wanted to call all of my family to tell them my 'goodbyes'. The only person I was able to talk to last night was Meena'Shasa, my friend back on the fleet. We talked via extranet. She wanted me to tell Jato that I love him before we leave but I don't think I can do it.

"Al?" Jato looked at me.

"Yeah"

"Is everything ok? You look depressed." I can't be the only one. I'm sure everyone tried contacting their families like I did. I know that Jeema got to her mother and gave her the message that every military family dreaded.

"No. None of us are ok. All those years we've known each other might be ripped away from some of us!" I put my hand on my face mask and tears started streaming down my eyes. I wasn't one to cry in front of all my friends but I couldn't help myself. We have all know each other for 4 years! I've shared some of my deepest secrets with these guys. They are family. I don't want to lose my family.

Jato walked up behind me and lowered my hand. "Don't cry, Al. It's ok."

"No. No it's not. I don't want any of you to die." I looked up at Jato and saw his beautiful eyes with so much memory. I then looked around at everyone else. I saw Sala who was trying her best not to break down like I did. Jeema was trying her best to comfort Sala. Caen was staring at Jeema and Sala. I could tell that he wanted to go help Jeema but stayed seated.

"I don't want any of us to die either," Jato explained, "but this is for the best of the fleet. There are millions of other quarians that are depending on us to keep them safe and-"

"Oh shut it, Jato!" Caen never liked Jato's 'save the fleet' speeches. "None of us want to hear that bullshit again! We're not in the mood!"

Jato knew Caen hated but he also knew that they sometimes inspired us. Rarely. "I'm sorry if I am just trying to not think about the mission!"

"We are all thinking about the mission, Jato! And we should be! We can't just ignore the fact that this is the most dangerous mission we have ever been assigned!"

I hated it when they argue like this. Caen and Jato always had fights from time to time but I think this is one of the worst ones. We have been on very dangerous missions before. This one is different. We are actually going _inside _a geth ship and get out before the whole thing explodes! "We've been on worst assignments right?" Sala mentioned. She seemed better now. Jeema stopped comforting her and tried to get what she was saying. "Yeah, what about when we had to drive the geth away from another ship? Wasn't it called the Lohira?"

"Yeah, but, when we did that, we had backup." I explained. "The Lohira was right behind us shooting down the fighters."

"It was still a close call. Our shields were down and most of the hull was busted. Jeema even said herself that we were lucky the ship didn't explode."

"It's true," Jeema said, "The core had been so damaged that it was on the verge of combusting."

Jato hated it when the team fought, just like I do. He is always the one who tried to take the lead, but we had made strict rules implying that we had no leader. We never thought that one of us would take charge of the other. If we did have a leader, though, everyone would be arguing like dogs.

"We need to stop this!" I said in a loud voice. "If this is our last moment together before we die then we can't spend it arguing back and forth! Every one of us knew this would be a suicide when we were assigned and all of us are probably wishing that we were never given this assignment but guess what? In a couple of hours, our skills will be tested in a mission that probably some of us will die in! If these are the last moments that at least one of us will remember then I'm sure that one person will go crazy because the last thing they remember of their friends is everyone was arguing right before their deaths!

Everyone went quiet after that. I sighed and went to my room.

I probably shouldn't have stormed off like that. I wanted to spend my final moments with my friends but they were too busy having a fight to want to be calm and just talk. I sat down on my bed and started to remember all the fun memories we've had, but with them came the bad ones too. From the first time we met to our first losses, and drinking binges to hangovers. Our first mission to right now.

I can't think about these things any more. I lay my head down on my stiff pillow and look at the clock. 3:00. I can take a short 3 hour nap till the mission starts. I close my eyes and think about everything again. I can't get them out of my head. Especially Jato.

* * *

"I see the dreadnaught." I point my finger to a giant purple ship that looks like its curving over nothing. Sala and Caen grab their guns. Caen prefers an Avenger due to its rapid fire and that adds up hits. Good for taking away shields too. Sala always sticks with her trusty Revenant. Not too good for range but packs a powerful punch. It's lined with red while everything else is black. "Good luck." I say to Caen and Sala. Jeema walks over to Caen and gives him a long hug. "Don't die. Please."

"I won't." Caen and Jeema really cared for each other. Sala walked to the door after her goodbyes. She wasn't one for touching moments. Our mini transport ship docked underneath the ship. That's where the core would most likely be located. Sala and Caen walked off, guns ready.

Jeema, Jato, and I were awkwardly quiet. Every once in a while we would hear gunshots and Caen or Sala giving commands to the other through our omni-tools. The order we heard more often than the others were "Take cover!" or Sala saying "Take out that hunter's shields!" Lots of hunters, that wasn't good. Hunters could cloak themselves with their shields making them nearly impossible to see. If there were a lot of hunters on that ship then they must be guarding something, but, at the same time, maybe not since we haven't heard anything about a prime being there

After an hour or two we heard Sala's voice come in. "All clear. We found the core."

"Damn! That thing is huge!" Caen's voice rang through the transport ship.

"Be quiet, Caen! Some geth might hear you!" Sala scolded. "Come on and lead Jeema through. The path should be clear. If we left anything, it shouldn't be too bad."

I headed towards mine and Jato's locker and got our snipers out. Jato's was a viper, it was sleek with white and black which fired multiple shots in succession of the other. I handed Jato his sniper and he held it tightly. He was tense. "Thanks" he said.

"Don't worry. We'll make it." I reassured him.

"Yeah, I know." He turned towards Jeema, "Are you ready?"

She grabbed her Phalanx pistol. It was a miniature weapon with a black slider which cooled the weapon. She looked back at Jato. "Yeah, I'm ready." I could tell from her face that she was happy to hear Caen's voice. That would give her confidence that maybe, just maybe, they would survive this.

Jato opened the door. We saw no geth bodies until we reached another door straight across from where we docked. Inside were a dozen of geth bodies lying lifeless on the metallic floor. We followed the lifeless robots and walked through dozens of doors until we finally reached Caen and Sala. "You're here!" Jeema shouting like she was relieved. She ran over towards Caen and he picked her up into a hug. Jato and I slowly walked to Caen and Sala.

"Glad you made it. Behind us is device where the core controls are at. See that blue?" Sala pointed at a huge spherical object with a glowing aura. "That's the core."

"Jeema," I called to her, "Do you think that you can turn this thing into a bomb?" Jeema broke away from Caen's arms and looked at the control pad like she was looking at a book. "If I reroute all of the ships power, including the shields, I could overload the core's infrastructure which would make the entire ship blow up."

"Cool." Jato looked up and around to find something. Probably a place to camp and protect everyone. He then pointed to a ledge which had minor cover, but would keep us out of sight to fire. "If Al and I head up there, we could protect you guys from some fire."

"Get on it" Sala told us. We headed down the stairs that were on each side of the room. In the middle of the sections was a barely visible ladder to get up to the hideout area.

When Jato and I took cover, Jato gave the 'ok' signal and Jeema started working on the core. Jato and I didn't talk. We had a rule: if any of us made an 'everything's going to be ok' statement right before the mission was complete then all Hell would break loose.

It was complete silence until Jato looked at me and said "you look tense."

"I should be, shouldn't I" I didn't mean to sound harsh.

"Well, yeah. You should be. Sorry."

"Don't be. I didn't mean to snap at you. I'm just a little scared."

"Look, I'm sorry that we all had a big fight. It was just the tension of the mission you know?"

I sighed. "Yeah, I know. I shouldn't have stormed out of the room." He gave me a smile, of what I could see, and turned away. It made butterflies in my stomach.

Right then and there, I saw the entrance door fly open. "Damn It! Geth!" wasn't Jeema supposed to fry the door? She didn't though. She went to Caen and forgot. I love her but her idle romance with Caen may get us killed.

"Caen! Get to cover!" Sala yelled.

"Already on it! Jeema! Drones out now!" Jeema understood and stopped her work for a second. She sent two drones flying out. A small blue one which helped defend her and a larger orange one which went ahead of the group to take out geth. Her tactical and defensive drones. I forgot she had those.

I handled my rifle and shot the first geth that came out through its robotic head. Jato shot down the next two immediately after I killed mine. Hunters came out and I didn't even realize it until Caen shot through its shields revealing them. "How much longer, Jeema?"

"I'm not even close to being done! Keep them off of me!" Every time Caen or Sala shot through a hunter's shields, either Jato or I would shoot them down quickly before they got any closer. There were a lot of regular troops that Jato took care of, and if he missed, Sala.

We were keeping them at bay nicely. Before long they never got past a certain point. I fired once and Jato fired, next to me, 2 or 3 times while I reloaded. Hell broke loose and the rule hadn't even been broken. Three geth primes showed up next to each other, each with their own repeating blaster and defense drone. They quickly destroyed Jeema's tactical drone and pushed forward.

Primes came equipped with shields and armor before you could get down to their weak spot. Caen tried his best but couldn't take them down as fast. Jeema couldn't take time away from her hacking to help them either.

It happened in slow motion. The middle prime held his repeater at Sala, who was fiercely shooting at them, in the shoulder. "Sala!" Caen screamed. He forgot the primes to help Sala up, but while he moved, the prime on the left shot his arm. Jeema looked at Sala and Caen and shrieked. "Caen!" She looked back and forth at the pad. "Oh, Bosh'tet! I hope this works!" She threw one of her emergency grenades into the now opened core. She turned around and shot at the primes even though it was useless. She managed not to get hit and put medigel on both Caen and Sala. "Al! Jato!" you need to get down here now!"

I tried to rush down the ladder but Jato grabbed my arm. "You can't go down! You'll be killed!

"I might die anyways so you should just let me go!"

"Please don't." It was then that I realized everything. He loved me. His eyes said it all. He cared for me with a passion. He probably envied Caen and Jeema like I did. He wanted us to survive. Why did he have to pick now to do this? While we were all about to die?

"I'm sorry." I shoved his arm away from mine and hurried down. Jato stayed up there. He covered me while I hid right behind the primes.

"Al you need to leave!" Jeema yelled. "This mission is a failure! Sala's already dead!" Sala. Dead. I couldn't process the words in my mind. Sala, the one who took every mission seriously, dead. "Please don't die, Caen, I love you!" Jeema whispered just loud enough that I could hear through my omni-tool.

I heard a mumble "I…love…you….too" Every word was like a dying breath. I could hear Jeema cry her heart out.

"Jato! Take Al and get out! I'm not leaving him! The grenade is going to explde in 10 minutes! It should be enough time to get out of here!" The primes pushed forward almost overwhelming Jeema. I waited for Jato at the entrance shooting with my extra pistol near my leg at the geth troopers still appearing.

I saw a geth sniper take aim over my shoulder. I aimed and clicked. Nothing came out. "Shit!" I reloaded as fast as I could but it was too late. As Jato was coming down the ladder, the bullet hit him straight in the back. He fell and landed with a heavy thud. The fall was too high for him to survive. I saw the primes get right next to Jeema and heard a scream. I couldn't think anymore. I clicked a buttion on my right wrist and disappeared.

Jeema said 10 minutes. 2 minutes went by. 8 minutes left. I ran as fast as I could toward the transport. I saw all the dead robots and all I saw were my dead friends lying there with bullet wounds everywhere.

3 minutes left and I see the transport up ahead. My cloak disappeared but by now the geth must have lost me. I quickly open the door and run into the transport. I hop into the pilot seat and tear away from the dreadnaught.

2 minutes left. I try and remember what I was taught about flying step by step. I turn and fly away.

1 minute left and I jump out of the pilot seat and watch through the reflection. I count down the numbers in my head 30…29…28 all the way down to one.

An explosion came. A light blue light came Jeema did it somehow. She blew up the dreadnaught, but along with everyone inside. Sala, Caen, Jeema, and Jato. Everyone's dead. I start to cry. No one is with me anymore. I don't have to hide my tears.

After a while, with tears still running down my face, I fly back to the Migrant Fleet.

**A/N: What did you guys think? I spent a lot of time working on this. Let me know in the Reviews**


	2. Chapter 2

"Al, you need to stop drinking." Meena said in a stern voice.

My best friend. She has always been there for me and now she is helping me with the loss of my shipmates. My other family. I can't find any way to deal with the unbearable pain except to drink it all away. This turian brandy is disgusting but it gives me the kicks I need. I am about to take another sip when Meena stops me. "I said you need to stop."

"Why? What are you going to do to stop me?" I'm drunk.

"Nothing if you keep acting this way!" Why is she getting mad at me? She doesn't know what I have been through! To show my defiance, I take another glass of the brandy while still facing her. Her eyes squint and I can tell she's angry. "Fine! Drown your sorrows for all I care! I was only trying to help!" She turns around on her heels and walks away with her back hunched over. I see her black suit, covering half of it with dark purple lines, and white the other half. Her straight black hood is now wrinkled with anger making the white lines almost disappear.

I shouldn't have made her mad. Now I'm going to have to apologize to her and I _hate_ doing that. Every time I have to apologize, I stutter with my words and get really uncomfortable while doing so and Meena knows this. I can already tell that she is just going to enjoy me doing my best to apologize to her.

I have been the worst friend in all quarian kind. I should follow Meena but all she's going to do is yell at me more for my behavior, even if I blame it on the brandy. I lean back over the table, placing both of my hands on my mask. "Keelah, what have I done."

"Well you just made your friend angry by drinking here for the past two weeks. Not only that but I am guessing you haven't been talking to her all that much since the accident." I wasn't expecting an answer. I look over and see the female bartender. Her suit is mainly bright red with thin lines of white. The entirety of her hood is red except for the outline of it. "That's what happened right? Or did I misread the argument you two just had plus the constant mumbling from your overnight hangovers? I stare at her in awe. "Don't worry. I'm not psychic like some asari consort. I just read people well." I'm still staring. "Are you gonna stare at me all day or are you gonna order another one of these brandies?" In her left hand she holds a bottle of the blue bubbly turian brandy I have been drinking.

I manage to see a small smile and she picks up my glass and pours more of the brandy in the glass. "Here, how's your military credits holding up with all of these drinks?" She pushes the glass back to me stopping before it reaches the edge. "Probably pretty well, you military people seem to get over 2,000 credits per month right?"

I finally manage to say something "Almost 3,000."

"Pretty close anyways. Well, my name's Rena. Yours is Al, if I'm not mistaken." I nod.

"How is it that you are so good at reading people?" I ask really confused.

"My father says it's a gift. I say it's just common sense." She starts to wipe the bar table with a recently wet rag. "Sometimes you overhear things about some people, or by the person," She looks at me while saying that, "Body language helps too. If people seem uncomfortable, natural habits kick in. Like stuttering with words or rubbing your arm." Rena stops talking then stares at me. She makes a short giggle then continues. "If people seem confused, they stare constantly at the thing trying to figure out what is confusing them in their head."

I finally break my gaze at her and pick up my newly made glass of turian brandy. "Well, Rena, that must seem pretty useful to you since you just want to eavesdrop on everyone's conversations, which is including mine."

"I wasn't eavesdropping. I'm the one that's been serving your drinks ever since you started coming here."

"That's a lie. I would've noticed you by now."

"Good call. That is a lie. I haven't been serving your drinks on the weekends." She grins a little "So what did happen? Nobody drinks this much off of some mere accident. Something more serious must have happened."

I sigh and slowly explain. I have to tell someone this. I was hoping to tell Meena but she's mad at me now. "Oh where do I start?"

"Probably from the beginning." I laugh quietly at her sense of humor.

I start to explain everything that happened. "It all happened while we were all on the Remedy…"

_** Flashback**_

"_Commander Jesin! We've just gotten news of a geth dreadnaught heading near the Migrant Fleet!" Gael exclaimed. "We've been given orders from Admiral Gerrel!"_

"_What star cluster is it in now?" Commander Jesin asked._

"_They just now left the Tikkan system of the Perseus Veil! Our scouts have spotted the dreadnaught heading over to the mass relay slowly but steadily. It should be upon the Migrant Fleet within days."_

"_Well then what's the problem? We can take that thing out, no problem."_

"_This dreadnaught seems to be carrying heavy firepower for any fighters and ships heading their way. If even the Remedy gets close, the geth will almost immediately destroy the ship into a billion pieces!"_

"_Shit! Call the crew member! We need an idea to take this thing down!"_

"_Yes, Sir!" Gael runs over to Jesins's intercom and announces for all crew members to come to the debriefing room immediately._

_%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%_

_Whatever's going on better be worth it. Jato and I were having a talk in the mess hall. It wasn't about anything serious, just about how Caen and Jeema started showing out with their dating. Why did he have to be so dreamy? Even if we were talking about our friends being in a relationship, I was still imagining me in his arms. Him cuddling me till I fell asleep or till I pretended and he would lie me down on my bed and make sure I was comfortable before he slowly left to give me peace. I think way too much of this don't I? I need to get him out of my head! We are just friends. Nothing is going to change that._

_We finally enter the debriefing room. It's an entire area of the ship filled with chairs where the crew, or other members that come aboard, can discuss matters that reflect heavily on what this ship does. I see other people are already here like the engineers and Sala. I wave over to Sala and she motions for me and Jato to come and sit by her. I oblige_

"_Do you guys know what's going on? Gael told me that something serious was happening but nothing more." I wonder what she was doing before the announcement came._

"_No, Jato and I were just talking down in the mess hall. Where's Jeema and Caen?"_

"_Probably rushing to hide whatever they were doing in their room." Jato says almost quiet enough for just me and Sala to hear. We start laughing uncontrollably at that comment. The image of Caen trying to make sure nobody would notice what had happened while running around hastily. That's what makes Caen so funny, his sense of humor makes it impossible to take anything seriously and when he tries to do something seriously, he's just a huge mess!_

"_We're here!" I hear a familiar voice shout out. "The meeting hasn't started yet has it?"_

"_Caen, shut up! We're not late!" And there's Jeema following him "Look, there's Sala, Al, and Jato. Let's go sit by them." Caen and Jeema walk up to us while we are all giggling silently. "Hey guys! So what's up with the whole announcement?"_

"_Yeah," Caen said, "Jeema and I were in her room- OW!" I saw Jeema jab her elbow into his stomach and now he's curled up with his arms wrapped around his body. "Jeema!"_

"_They don't need to know what we were doing, Caen!"_

"_Right, sorry." _

"_Who's to say we don't already know?" Sala teased. All of us, besides Caen and Jeema start laughing the hardest we ever had in a while. Jeema and Caen were just staring at us both shocked and surprised. By now pretty much everybody in the room was staring at us. Some were laughing with us while some were staring in disgust because this was supposed to be taken seriously. By the time Commander Jesin came in, our laughing died down but tears were coming from my eyes. _

_We didn't calm down long enough before Jesin walked in front of us just standing there. "Are we done?" We tried to stop but we kept giggling when I managed to say "Yes, sir"_

"_Good. Please stop before I have to dismiss you. I rather wouldn't because this is a serious matter that needs your full attention."_

"_Yes, sir" Jato and Sala manage to say. Everyone was staring at us which made me feel a bit embarrassed. Jesin nodded and walked to the center of the room._

"_You have all been called here to discuss something very important. A geth dreadnaught has been spotted by scouts and his believed to be headed towards the Migrant Fleet." How can a single dreadnaught be bad? We've taken out dreadnaughts before, how is this one different? "You may all be thinking 'how can one dreadnaught be so bad? We've faced lots of stragglers before.' well I'll tell you. Captain Gael received this message from Admiral Gerrel. He said that this dreadnaught's armor and firepower is much stronger than the ones we have previously faced. This means that if we face this dreadnaught head on, surround it or any other method we have used, it would eliminate all of us within seconds." _

_I could tell Sala was getting serious. Every mission debriefing was always carefully reported by her. It helps during moments like these because she has been in a lot of different scenarios which helps in deciding what to do in a mission. "How did the geth get enough resources to build something like that? And why just one dreadnaught?"_

"_I don't know, Sala, which worries me the most because if we finally go to war with these things, they could overpower our ships without losing a single dreadnaught. This is probably a test run to test how powerful they think it actually is. It may not be heading towards the flotilla at all. It may juat be findinf ships to destroy, which leads me to my other point I'm betting if we destroy this thing that they will think that this prototype was a failiure."_

"_But how are we going to destroy it if we can't even get close to it?" Jato asked._

"_I was thinking. If one team can use one of our infiltration ships to sneak in and destroy it on the inside, then the geth will never build one of these things again seeing as how it cost them a bunch of resources."_

"_Even if we were to infiltrate the ship, how are we supposed to destroy it on the inside? There has to be thousands of geth on that dreadnaught." I say._

_Commander Jesin pulled up a holographic image of the dreadnaught. "Admiral Gerrel sent this for us to work out a plan." He explains. Jesin zoomed in close to the bottom to find an emergency entrance. "The infiltration ship could dock safely here without alerting the forces. Then the team could fight through here," Jesin traced his finger along a pathway until he landed onto the core. "This is the shortest distance to the core I could find. If one of our technical experts rerouted the core's power, the core would explode. On a plus side, if the technical expert just rerouted the core's power, the geth would just think that it was a malfunction and not some sort of attack."_

"_What team do you suggest take the mission? It shouldn't be a lot of us. Only the best should go." I recognized who said that. His name is Lael. He thinks things through one-by-one like Sala does._

"_Exactly what I was thinking, Lael. Only our best and brightest should go. I have carefully selected who should go before this started. The technical expert should be Jeema." _

"_What? Why?" Jeema asked shocked._

"_Jeema, you are the only one here who is experienced with doing things under pressure. And most likely, the geth will be firing upon you while you try to reroute the core's power. Do you think you can handle it? I'm hoping you can. If you can't, I will send the second best."_

_Jeema thought about this carefully. It was true that she was used to doing these things under fire. Almost every mission. Everyone stared at her while she tried to make the decision. I'm no expert at this kind of stuff but Jeema was and the Fleet needed her more than ever. Finally, she looked up and said "I'll do it."_

"_Great. Do you have any preferences to who should go?"_

"_Me!" Caen stood up and faced the commander. "If Jeema is going on this life-threatening mission, then I will come too. She isn't going anywhere without me."_

_Jesin looked shocked by Caen standing up to him, but he respected Caen for it. Jesin looked back at Jeema. "Jeema, do you want Caen to come with you on this mission?"_

_It didn't take long for her to make that decision. "Of course, commander."_

"_Now those two aren't going anywhere without me." Sala said. "We've been on every mission together and I'll be damned if they aren't if they aren't going without me."_

"_Same here." Jato said standing up with Caen and Sala._

"_If my friends are going, then I'm going." I stood up with everybody else._

_Jesin looked at all of us back and forth. Jeema was still sitting down looking up at all of us. "Your friends show surprising loyalty, Jeema. Do you want them all to go with you?"_

_Jeema stood up with us and looked at each of us before looking at the commander. "If my life was on the line, I want my friends with me."_

_Jesin nodded and said. "Ok. Jeema'Terrel, Al'Nora, Caen'Moma, Sala'Julas, and Jato'Teemin, I want all of you to practice everything that you've learned from your experience here before you undertake the mission. Crew dismissed._

_**End of flashback**_

I explain to Rena about what happened with the mission, what went wrong, and everyone's deaths. She listened to every moment of it. I was surprised she actually cared. Ever since I got here, the only person actually interested in why I was so upset was Meena. I couldn't tell my parents anything because they thought it was classified information. I wanted to talk to someone but Meena has been busy doing her own things but at least she still came to make sure I was alright.

"…so that's how I ended up here." I sigh exasperated. It was a long and gruesome story that I had lived through.

"Wow…I wasn't expecting that." Rena said.

"Yeah, I know."

"Well I'm glad you told me. You shouldn't keep things like that cooped up in your head. It starts to get to you. It's not healthy." There was a long silence before Rena mentioned something else. "I'm also sorry about Jato. I could tell you really liked him."

"Yeah I did. It killed me to know that it was my fault that he died. I could've done something to stop that geth from shooting him. He was right in front of me! I could've pistol whipped him!" I sigh again and put my hand on my head exhausted. "I should head to Meena and apologize. I think I'm gonna spend the night at her place."

"Ok. See you tomorrow, Al." I stand up and look back at her.

"Bye, Rena." I walk away before someone knocks into me before sitting down in the seat that I just got up from.

"Rena, I need a double." His suit was bright red but mostly silver armor.

"Hey! Watch where you're going!"

"Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to bump into you like that. It's been a long day."

"Yeah, it has been for me too."

Rena looks at the quarian and asks "What'll it be today, Kal?"

"Something strong. I need to forget what just happened to me." Kal says.

"What happened?" I ask.

"Hm? Oh a girl I was going out with just cheated on me. I saw her in the bed with another guy." You didn't have to be good at reading people to tell that he was angry. Not only that, but you could see small hints of sadness in his eyes if you looked at them long enough.

"I'm sorry. If it makes you feel better, I just lost someone that I liked too." I told him surprisingly.

"Really? You want to talk about it?" He asks. I can't believe he cares. A total stranger.

"Not now. I just finished talking about it with Rena." Kal then looked at Rena and looks at her puzzlingly

"Yeah, it was quite the tale. Maybe she'll tell you one day right?" Rena looked back at me acting like she's trying to tell me something. Kal looks at me wondering for my answer.

"I guess. Do you want to meet me here tomorrow?" I ask.

"Sure. I'm really interested in it if Rena was. What time?"

"How about around the middle of the day?"

"Sounds good to me." He smiles a bit then turns to drink the new brandy that Rena just passed him. I walk away heading towards Meena's house. I hope she's there, if not then I will just use her password that she gave me.

**A/N: Please Review. I will respond back to all of them. Or at least I will try to. Also PM me if you have any advice for me to work on or etc.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I changed some stuff in the previous chapters so if you guys could go read them again then I'd really appreciate it. One of the mistakes Archangel1207 pointed out. Everybody thank Archangel for that!**

I never know how days end. As a matter of fact, nobody does. I definitely didn't picture today ending how it did. Telling Rena what's been going on and not Meena. I should have told Meena right away but I got carried away with my own selfishness. And drinking too much. At least I found a friend in Rena. She doesn't seem to judge everyone for their own personal problems unlike most people.

Meeting Kal was another plus side too. He lost someone that he loved. I know how that feels. It's like someone is being yanked from your heart and smashing it into the ground. He was a victim to cheating. I was a victim to loss. I'm not sure I will ever be able to get over Jato. I loved him for the longest time. No one can fill that empty void.

I need to sort things out with Meena. She will never forgive me if I don't apologize to her. The only thing I can hope for is if she's at her house. Or apartment I should say. Nobody's apartments are big enough to actually be called houses. One bed, one couch, a kitchen, one bathroom, and an extranet module to view the news. Sometimes you can view movies or shows but it's mainly used for news broadcasts.

The good thing about walking down a lonely path with no one to talk to is you get to think. That can also be a bad thing. If I start to think, then I start to imagine Caen, Jeema, Sala, and Jato. Instead I look around. I've seen the artificial lights on the flotilla dim to almost complete darkness before. It's just bright enough to where I can see where I'm going, and to where late-night workers do their jobs.

I see a food store with a variety of off-world plants starting to shut down and the owner looks tired. Probably after a long day of work. I remember when Caen and Sala would take turns telling everyone the cost for the plants had gone up. It would drive the manager crazy how no one would show up to buy anything! Those shore-leaves were the best! I smile a bit and keep walking.

The next thing I saw was a restaurant. I watch as a waiter serves a group of 5 teenage friends through the window. Two girls and three guys. It looks like they are all having a wonderful time. They are laughing as the waiter gets their orders mixed up and apologizes as he does so. It reminds me of the time… maybe I should stop looking at everything and just keep walking.

Meena's apartment isn't that much farther away. Just around this corner.

She is just ahead now. I pass by apartments on both my left and right sides. They all look exactly the same. That had always bothered me. Even the apartment where my parents live looks exactly like these. Big and rectangular with no windows and no color whatsoever except for a light grey color.

I'm able to see the red holographic lock on the door. Thankfully Meena told me the password. It's 157932846. I punch in the numbers on the barely visible keypad. When I finish, the keypad and the lock disappears opening the door. I walk in and the door closes almost instantly behind me. Everything is pitch black. She must be asleep in her room. I better not turn on the lights in case it wakes her up. Instead I stretch my hands out in front of me and try to find my way to her couch. I hate the dark.

I stumble around probably looking stupid if the lights were on. I walk forward a couple of steps and slam my head into a wall. "Damn it!" I whisper silently. I shake my head and head towards my right. I take a couple more steps still waving my hands like a fan. Another couple of small steps and my foot accidentally kicks something. I hunch over and feel what it is. It's as flat as a table and stiff. Meena's couch. I sigh and start to lie down on my side with my knees close to my stomach.

The one thing I love about living on the flotilla is the constant humming. It's comforting and it keeps your mind off of things. That's one luxury that you don't get if you spend a night on a ship. I smile a bit and close my eyes. The humming of the flotilla helps me fall asleep almost instantly.

_**Dream**_

_I'm in a room. I can't see more than a couple of feet ahead of me due to a thick grey mist completely surrounding me. I look up. I can't see the ceiling. The mist seems to be acting like some sort of dome. I look back ahead of me and slowly start moving my legs. The mist moves wherever I go. If I go left, the mist follows. If I go right, the mist follows._

_I've seen a lot of scary things during my military career. Most I would not dare to repeat. But this is making me shiver. I'm scared. I cross my arms and put my hands close to the opposite's shoulders. I build up what courage I have left and slowly start moving ahead of me.  
_

* * *

_Why is this so hard? Why is this mist scaring me more than any geth ever has? I've never quit a job in my life, but now I just want to drop to my knees and start crying. I can't though. Whatever that is in front of me is important. I can't give up. I have to keep trying, even if what's ahead may be the worst thing imaginable. I have to keep pushing forward._

* * *

_This is taking forever. I have been walking for a couple of minutes now and there is nothing. Whatever this place is, it's completely useless. But where else can I go? I can't go back because there is nothing. If I go left or right then I might miss what's ahead of me._

* * *

_Finally! I see something! It looks like… a piece of glass? I start to jog to get closer to the object. I am close enough now to where I can see that the glass is hovering. It's a couple of feet off of the ground. Something's not right._

_I see my reflection in the mirror. It's happy. No, I'm happy. My eyes are big and full of joy and happiness. For once, in the last two weeks, I can tell that everything will be ok. I lean my hand forward to touch it and my reflection does the same. I feel calm and everything is quiet. I am about to touch the glass when it cracks. I jump back frightened. Right in the middle, there is a circular crack that keeps spreading to the edges._

_My reflection isn't following my movements anymore. She puts her hands flat on the glass and starts banging. I can tell she's crying for help. I don't know what to do so I step back. The crack is now completely covering the entire mirror. My reflection's hands are now just flat against the mirror. Her eyes are now wet and looking at me. She's pleading for me to help her but I can't. There is no possible way I can._

_I take one step forward. The mirror shatters. The pieces of glass slowly crumble forward into pieces. I gasp as the sound of the glass falling ripples through the entire area. My reflection slowly fades into inexistence. Finally everything stops. The glass is lying on the ground and complete silence comes back like it was before._

_I look down at the shattered glass crumbled together. In each shard I see something different. I see a couple comforting their child. I see Meena's bright face. I start to tear up. I realize that each shard represents a memory… my memories. Time continues in all of them. The images flow to the next thing I experienced through my life. Both the best and worst moments. I know I shouldn't, but I search for the most recent ones._

_I don't have to search long because I spot their faces immediately. They are not moving but still and facing me. Caen, Jeema, Sala, and Jato's expressions are blank and their eyes are closed. I turn my head and start whimpering. I knew I shouldn't have done that. I look back, expecting their faces to still be there, and see Kal's image instead. His face looks considerate and wants to know more. "Al!" Kal calls to me. "Al, wake up!" Suddenly my arm starts to shake without my control, and everything starts to slowly disappear._

_**End of Dream**_

"Al! Al, wake up!" It's not Kal's voice anymore. It is more feminine and does not seem to be getting angry. Her voice sounds really familiar. "Al get off my couch or I will pull you off!" Now she sounds angry. This has to be Meena.

"Give me a minute." I say in a tired and weary voice.

"You don't have a minute!" she yells. All of a sudden Meena wraps her hands around my legs and yanks them toward her making me fall on my side.

"OW! What the hell, Meenaa?!" I yell getting very irritated now. All the lights are turned on and are shining brightly into my eyes.

Meena crossed her arms probably fuming with anger. "I told you to get off of my couch. You didn't so I pulled you." She said mockingly. I get up rubbing my injured side with my right hand.

"You could have given me another minute like I said." I tell her.

Meena shrugged her shoulders "Nah, it was funnier this way."

"For you, maybe, but not for me." I said slightly annoyed.

"What are you doing here anyway? Why aren't you at your parent's house?"

Here it comes. "Because I uh needed to talk to you about something."

"Ok what then."

"I came here to apologize to you about uh what happened yesterday."

Meena is still staring at me with those piercing purple eyes. "Oh about that? I have completely forgotten that! You shouldn't have come by!" She said sarcastically. She does this when she gets angry. It only gets slightly annoying. Only slightly.

"Well uh when I came in here and noticed that the lights were off and you were asleep and-"

"Hold up. I never came home last night. So I wasn't sleeping in my room." Then where was she last night after she stormed off? "I was at Zaal's place."

"Zaal is the new admiral of the civilian fleet. You still hang out with him?" I haven't seen him in years. When Meena and I were young we would hang out with both Zaal and Han. Whom are both part of the admiralty board. Han is the admiral of the heavy fleet and Zaal is the admiral of the civilian fleet. Xen is the head scientist or something. I never liked her. Too stuck up for her own good acting like she's smarter than everyone else. If I had a choice, Meena should have taken her place. Meena is so much nicer than Xen.

"Actually, yeah I do. Han and Zaal. Remember when we would all hang out together and have fun? Man does time fly by." Meena sighed and looked off at the distance remembering all the good times we had. "Anyway, your apology" She looked back and smirked.

I sighed back. "As I was saying, before we got completely off topic, I am really sorry about what happened. I just got really drunk uh again. I didn't know what I was doing or saying and before I knew you were walking off acting like you never wanted to see me again."

Meena sighed and uncrossed her arms. "You know I would never mean that. It's just that all you've done since you came back was drink. I know that you have gone through some tough times but you are going to have to move on."

I knew this was coming. I have been dreading this conversation ever since I came back on the flotilla. I am not ready to move on and I don't think I ever will be, but I knew that Meena was going to try her hardest to help me and I just didn't need that at the time. It's part of the reason why I kept drinking. If I stopped then I would have a clear head to process everything that she was saying. "Yeah, I know. I'm just not ready to yet."

Meena grabs onto my wrists with both hands and holds them gently. "I know you're not and it's ok. No one in their right mind would still be ok after what you witnessed. But you have to remember that you are not the only one. Other people have gone through what you have and are living a normal life now." Other people like me. Kal lost someone that he loved but not as serious as to how I lost Jato. Jato died because I wasn't fast enough. Kal lost his lover because she got bored with him and moved on. I should tell Meena about Jato and Kal. I just don't know when.

That reminds me! I'm supposed to be meeting Kal at the bar today! I looked down trying to avoid her face because if she saw it then she could tell that I'm hiding something "What time is it?"

"Um I don't know. I'd say it's almost afternoon. Are you hiding something?" She asks curiously

"Uh no reason. Just wondering if I slept late." I said still not looking at her face.

Meena was still holding onto my arms. "Hmmm. Look I know you are hiding something. Now I have to go work on the liveship Shellen but when I get back you are going to tell me what's going on. Ok?"

I sigh and roll my eyes a little "Fine."

"Good. Because I can tell it's something important." She smirked and then let go of my arms. "See you later" She walked towards the door leading to her room beside the couch. Meena walked out holding some supplies and waved goodbye before heading out to her job at the liveship Shellen.

**A/N: Sorry the chapter is so short but trust me, I have plans.  
**


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